The power of your mind. Learn to control what you think

Many of us are slaves to what we think. There are nights when our thoughts are so loud they won't let us sleep, other times they are so terrifying they won't let us live, and others, so silent that, even though we don't hear them, they are still there.

They can easily control our life, our mood and our mental health. Because what I think, whether I am aware of it or not, determines what I am.

You can watch our video on this topic

Nutritionists say that we are what we eat, and psychologists could say that we are what we think. That is why we must give it the importance it deserves.

Hasn't it ever happened to you that you have a bad day and you don't know why? Or that you start feeling bad and you can't detect what is behind it? On most occasions what there is is a thought, or several, that appear automatically and that may not even be conscious. They are the ones I call: the silent ones.

The thing is that in the West we are not trained to control our mind. We leave it to its own free will without taking into account that the laws that govern it are sometimes more than 1000 years old, like survival instincts. The thing is that we live on autopilot set at the mercy of a mind programmed to survive and not to be happy.

Automatic thoughts

1. Undetectable

Most are undetectable. The first thing we feel is the unpleasant emotion, without even realizing that before that emotion there was a thought. We go so much on autopilot, that they are almost like breathing and we do it without realizing it.

Our mind has a lot of work and it must also constantly interpret all the stimuli that reach it. That is why it needs to be fast, so fast that sometimes we don't even detect it.

Because in reality there is not just one, the one out there, there are as many realities as there are people observing it. We can never see reality as it is, we have to settle for seeing an interpretation that our brain has made for us. And it always has biases, as I say, it sweeps toward home.

If I believe I am the ugliest person in the world, my mind will only see stimuli that prove that theory. That is how a stimulus reaches me and almost without realizing it a thought appears "you are the ugliest in the group" and the first thing I detect is a discomfort, an unease and I start wanting to leave this group of people and I don't even know why. If you want to go deeper into the self-deceptions of our mind you can read our post The power of self-deception: discover how you lie to yourself

2. They are short and negative

Often they are two words or sometimes one. Frequently they are not even a sentence. The tendency, in a very high percentage of the population, is to use rather derogatory language toward oneself. The thing is that if we ever stopped to listen to how we talk to ourselves we would realize that we would never talk like that to someone, much less to someone we love. Yes, that's how it is, the person we treat worst is usually ourselves:

• I am insufficient

• I am incapable

• I am ugly

• And I could go on…

Other times they are a little more elaborate. But these are usually more conscious. They are the ones about the past and the ones about the future:

• PAST

Dwelling on something from the past and filling myself with I should have said this and not that, I shouldn't have…Almost always blaming.

• FUTURE

I go off into a movie of the future that I make up, because most of the time things don't happen the way I imagined them. And also I make it up in a negative way, why would I do it in a positive way when I can fill myself with discomfort.

3. They don't pass any judgment

You just believe them, without them passing through any filter. The thing is that most are based on irrational beliefs that we have rooted in the deepest and most inaccessible part of our brain and that are the filter through which I pass all the information I receive. To give you an idea, it would be like putting a black-colored filter on everything that is going to enter my brain.

And it's not that our mind wants to hurt us, that's not it, it's that, as I have already told you before, it is programmed for you to survive not for you to be happy. That is why we need to control it, in order to use it more optimally.

4. They are learned

They are made on a slow fire, over years and years, influenced by our family, friends, culture, society, media etc… That is why they are so difficult to change, because we have spent years learning them.

They have been with you for so long, that they are your voice, your inner voice and of course, you give them the maximum credibility.

Learn to control them

1. Be aware

This is given to us by mindfulness. I need to become aware of what I think and for that I must train myself in listening to my mind, through meditation I will be able to listen to it and I will be able to control it to focus my attention on what I want. The more I train in meditation, the more aware I become of my thoughts.

If to be well physically I have to follow a balanced diet and do moderate exercise, to be well psychologically I will have to do something, it won't be given to me for free. I have to meditate, become aware of how I talk to myself, in what tone, what I say to myself and how many times a day.

2. Live your present

Mindfulness again. If I don't go off to the past I don't fall into the trap of nostalgia which makes it seem that any past moment was much better and if I don't go off to the future I eliminate the tendency I have to think that out of the bad, the worst will happen to me.

The mind has to be in the present. If you are thinking or worrying about something that hasn't happened, tell your mind is this happening now? Is it present? If the answer is NO, then it shouldn't be occupying your mind.

For that we must train our mind so that it is in the present. Choose a moment of the day to enjoy it consciously and don't allow your mind to wander. For example, in the shower or walking, during that time you set out to keep your mind full, just observing your present. Like the water that falls, the sensations of your body, the air you breathe, etc… your mind will go off to make the shopping list, that's okay, when you notice it you bring it back to your present moment. Remember, it is a training, it is about doing it daily for the rest of your life.

If you want to go deeper into mindfulness I recommend this post What is mindfulness? Learn to put it into practice

3. Stop them

Once you have already trained yourself in listening to your mind, in detecting those negative thoughts that are the voice in your head, it's time to learn to stop them. You can use phrases to do it for example, I'm not going to worry about this now, I free myself from judgments, I'm not going to let you waste my time with this, etc…

Use the phrase that works best for you for each thought. You will notice that you have certain recurring thoughts: some are about inferiority, about your not being worth it, others are self-judgments, others about envisioning the future negatively, others about going round and round over the past… For each one of them choose a phrase to say to yourself when they appear or simply use the word STOP.

4. Look for a distraction

Do something else, something that occupies your attention and your mind and allows you to stop those thoughts. Meet up with a friend, put on music and sing, do some activity that requires concentration, look for whatever works as a distraction for you so that your mind stops being in a loop with a negative thought.

5. Lay siege to your mind

Don't allow yourself to go on autopilot anymore. You have to take the reins of what you think because it is the only way for you to take the reins of your life. Letting your mind direct you without supervision is like letting your company run by itself or letting your child be raised without your help, that is, it is a real disaster.

Become aware of what you think, focus on what you want, make your mind pay attention to what is really important and that is normally in our present. Meditate often. Talk to yourself with affection, don't allow yourself to use that derogatory tone you use with yourself. Detect your irrational beliefs, remember that they normally begin with I am and are followed by something negative. And when you detect them, destroy them, because they are false.

If you are what you eat, eat well, if you are what you think, do it well and above all do it yourself, do it consciously.