Learn to be selfish

The word selfish has always had a very bad reputation and I don't understand why. The truth is that it's increasingly clear that we must learn to be selfish, or at least to be what I understand selfishness to be, taking care of yourself.

Who knows your needs better than you, who knows better than you what you want at each moment, what makes you feel good, what fulfills you or what displeases you. If I know what I need and when I need it, it's useless to wait for someone to guess it and provide it for me, because it's not going to happen, or at least it will happen 0.001% of the time.

If you want to learn more, we leave you our video about Selfishness.

The thing is, we've been raised to prioritize others. We feel like better people if we prioritize the lives and needs of others, but this is a double-edged sword. Because when we start to notice that we end up at the back of the line and that our turn never comes, we begin to feel bad and we get angry with ourselves because we didn't want to go to the cinema and we went, because we didn't want to meet up with that person who doesn't listen to us and we met up, because we wanted to go to the gym but we didn't go because we had to do the grocery shopping.

Are we really selfish when we prioritize what's good for us?

For me the answer is clear, NO, we're not selfish, we're generous with ourselves, which is not the same thing. Of course I can do things for others, obviously, and take care of my loved ones and sometimes even prioritize them, but what I can't do is do it at the expense of my personal well-being, because my personal well-being, as its very name indicates, is PERSONAL and therefore it's my responsibility. I am the one responsible for giving myself what I need.

And the world would be much easier if we all took care of ourselves the same way we take care of others. Because then no one would be responsible for anyone else's happiness, only for their own. Nor would we demand that others cover our needs, because we would already have them covered.

And how do I learn to be selfish if no one has taught me?

• Learn to listen to yourself to know what's good for you: What suits you, what fulfills you. We are all born with that ability to know what's good for us and what's bad for us. We just have to listen to ourselves; the body tells you right away.

• Cover your needs: When you know what's good for you, you get a better idea of what needs you have. And when you cover them you feel good and you stop blaming others because no one looks out for you. You already take care of that yourself.

• Prioritize: Your time is not unlimited. So you'll have to prioritize, you can't get to everything, it's important that you understand this. If you start by taking care of your obligations, and then the "I have to's," and then the needs of others, it's very likely that you won't have any time left for yourself. Flip the list around: first my most important needs (not all of them, only the essential ones), then the obligations (not all of them, only the essential ones), and lastly the needs of my loved ones (not all of them, only the essential ones). That way, with a bit of luck, you'll get to everything, or at least to the most important things.

• Take action: If you already know what you need, what suits you and what disagrees with you, now it's time to take action. For that you'll have to be consistent. First start by providing yourself with what you need (going to the gym more, having time to grab a coffee with a friend and read) and then keep setting limits with others: "I don't feel like going to the cinema today." Learn to say NO when you mean no.

• Always seek balance: It's not about becoming the most selfish being on earth. Between 0 and 100 there are 99 numbers. It's just about organizing yourself better so you can first cover your most important needs, what nourishes you, what fulfills you and what makes you who you are. And then take care of your loved ones, but with your tank full of fuel. Only if I'm okay can I give good things. Only if I take care of myself can I take good care of you.

• Be consistent: It won't always be easy. We're very programmed to do just the opposite and guilt is always waiting behind the door to be able to come in. "You're selfish," "you could be finishing your work project instead of leaving on time and going to the gym," "the time you spent having a drink you could have invested in buying the cardboard your son needs," etc... Remember that since you won't have time for everything, because our lives are too full, you'll always have to choose and prioritize. And for that the premise must be you first, cover your most important needs, then your loved ones, and lastly the "I have to's."