Energy Vampires

A lot has been written about them lately. We can find them in any kind of relationship; you can find more information in the post about toxic couples, a friend, a work colleague…

The common denominator of all of them is that feeling of exhaustion they leave you with after interacting with him or her. They wear you down, they generate discomfort and dissatisfaction in you. They always subtract and never add. Hence their name: energy vampire, who absorbs your energy and uses it for their own well-being.

How to spot them at work?

They tend to be complaining people. They complain about and criticize other colleagues frequently. They try to sabotage the other person's work. They need to be praised, and if they feel they don't have enough ability to do something, they manage to get someone else to do it for them and take the credit. They need to see themselves in the mirror of others, so they are always on the lookout for everything that can make them stand out, and if to achieve this they must expose a colleague, they will.

Teamwork with them is almost impossible; they are experts at generating conflicts within groups. They are experts at distorting reality, at presenting themselves as victims when they have really been the perpetrator, and at always pursuing their personal interest above all else.

They like to cast doubt on the abilities of others; they tend to disparage them so they can stand out more. You won't see them value someone else's job well done, as that would mean accepting that there is someone better. They will try to find the smallest mistake to tear it down and would even be capable of much more to sabotage a colleague's job well done.

They handle guilt to perfection. Far from feeling guilty about anything, what they achieve is making others feel guilty. They never admit a mistake, trying by all means to make it look like someone else's fault.

You'll notice you have one nearby above all because of your discomfort. If there is someone at your work who resembles this description and after interacting with them you feel exhausted, you are probably facing a professional energy vampire.

How to deal with a toxic work colleague?

Set clear boundaries

Don't wait; set boundaries clearly, how far they can go with you. You have to know how to say NO. If they ask you for work that isn't your responsibility, say no. If they criticize another colleague to you, make it clear that you're not interested in that kind of conversation. Mark your space, your responsibilities and your duties very clearly.

2. Don't play their game

Keep in mind that at the slightest chance they will try to manipulate you. Avoid falling into their game; don't criticize others with them, stay courteous but distant. Handle their interactions with kindness but keeping your place.

3. Keep your distance, both physical and emotional

The farther from him or her, the better. If you can cross paths with them as little as possible, all the better.

Emotional distance is harder; it's like deciding that they won't intoxicate you. That their outbursts won't affect you, even if their attack is directed straight at you and your professional competencies. There is no better defense against this type of attack than a rational defense rather than an emotional one, a defense that doesn't lose its composure and that uncovers their manipulation clearly. Without letting yourself be carried away by your emotions.

4. Disconnect

When you leave work, breathe. Fill your lungs with air and stop your mind. Don't take any negative thoughts home. If you want to survive a toxic person, you must learn to disconnect, you need spaces free of poison.

5. Keep a strictly work-related relationship

Avoid seeing them outside of work. Not a drink afterward, not an event celebration. Avoid as much as possible a relationship beyond the strictly work-related one. Remember that they are vampires and seek to absorb you.

6. Agreements, better in writing

Especially if the toxic person is your boss. Any work agreement in writing and if you can communicate via e-mail and not in person or by phone. If it's written down, it will be harder for them to manipulate it to blame you for something or to create any conflict. Cover your back whenever you can.

The effects that working alongside an energy vampire can have are disastrous. I have seen them in my practice on too many occasions. Anxiety and depression are the most frequent. Don't let yourself be dragged down by them, and if you see that you can't cope, seek help or consider a change of job or department.

Below is an article on the same topic in the print edition of La Vanguardia that mentions Teu Espai