Education and emotional support in childhood

Throughout our entire lives, emotional support is something that happens at all times; we ourselves have been educated and emotionally supported, and now we educate and emotionally support our children. But are we doing it in a way that fosters healthy emotional development?

A good education and emotional support is the foundation of healthy development, both physical and psychological, and is involved in the acquisition of capacities and skills, self-esteem, identity and autonomy.

What do we mean by emotional support? How does it differ from emotional education?

When we talk about emotional support, we are referring to the capacity to be present and available before our own emotional world and that of others. Although it seems very easy when put that way, it tends to be complicated to carry out, since to what extent can we observe and emotionally support our children without judging them?

We judge emotions according to our own beliefs and values, since these are the ones that have accompanied us within our family core our whole lives. Each one of us was born into a family system where emotions and the way of managing them follow a particular pattern. Each one of us believes we know which are the good and bad emotions, and we rely on them to judge. We want to live with good and positive emotions and try to avoid the bad and negative ones, and it is precisely that which we try to pass on to our children.

However, it is important that we allow, even if it hurts us, our children to experience both good and bad emotions. What matters is that we accompany them in the process, in the most respectful way possible and without judging them.

“El Acompañamiento Emocional persigue el que la persona desarrolle sus capacidades para lograr así, su autonomía e independencia, a través de un vínculo cercano y confiable, creado con sus acompañantes…”

How can we correctly support our children?

It is important to remember that there are no magic recipes, but we would like to offer some guidance that may help you to support your children's emotions.

- It is important that we look them in the eyes: many times we look at children from "above" and that does not help at all in communication and in the relationship with us and with others.

- We must accept the 4 basic emotions as emotions that are part of our lives. All support does not prevent the experiences.

- Use a relaxed tone of voice, one that conveys calm.

- We must avoid value judgments toward our children's emotions. What matters is not conditioning their emotions when we support them. This way we also avoid the child's dependence on the adult's continual approval.

- We must respect their personal moments and spaces. It is important to give space and to recognize their feelings without denying or minimizing them.

- Listen with full attention. Many times we are more focused on looking for an answer to what they are telling us than on listening to what they really want to say.

- Do not judge emotions as good or bad. This will help children not to feel guilt toward their feelings.

- Encourage free play. Alone or with other children. Forcing children to play with others is not necessary; let it be the child who finally decides what they want to do.

- It is important to promote clear reasoning with language appropriate to their age.

- They must experience the consequences of their actions.

- We must respect each child's pace. Every child is different and it is important to respect their individuality and their own pace, without forcing them.

- It is important to remember that our children's lives are not our own. The expectations we hold of them are dangerous, since at times we want them to do everything we did not do, or not make the same mistakes. That causes us not to let them be the ones who choose for themselves.

- We must encourage them to do things by themselves. If they do them because others expect it of them, they will not come to connect with what they are experiencing and therefore will not connect with the achievement attained in the same way.