5 self-destructive attitudes it is better not to have

An attitude can be defined as the predisposition to act in a certain way in response to a specific stimulus (a situation, a job, a partner, an incident,…). It is the way in which someone is predisposed toward something, meaning that an attitude can be a good predictor of behavior, but also of someone's mood. An attitude is made up of beliefs and thoughts with an emotional charge that predispose us to an action and will make us move toward or away from a particular object or situation.

Attitudes can be very beneficial or they can be self-destructive, but the worst part is that they sometimes operate automatically without my even being aware of it. That is, I can have negative attitudes without knowing it, ones that consume my energy and affect my personal balance, causing distress.

The only way to eradicate them is by becoming aware of them, and for that you first need to recognize them. Here they go:

1. Focusing on what you don't have

If I have a partner I don't have freedom, if I'm single I don't have company. It's the trap of life: necessarily, if I have one thing, I automatically lack another. I decide whether I focus on what I have, feeling grateful for it, or whether I focus on what I lack, feeling embittered for life.

When I focus on what I lack, I become the eternally dissatisfied person, because when I get what I'm missing, my mind automatically moves on to what I don't have, without letting me enjoy even two minutes of what I have achieved, and so it goes on and on.

You'll recognize that you have this attitude if you habitually feel dissatisfied, if nothing you have quite makes you happy, and if you tend to complain constantly. If you arrive at a hotel on the first day of your vacation and start to see the flaws, what it's missing, what's wrong, and the complaining and criticizing begin, you fill your so longed-for first day of vacation with a certain bitterness. If you recognize this in yourself, I invite you to read our post about complaining.

2. Passing the buck and playing the victim

When the blame is always on others, I stop taking responsibility for my actions and therefore lose the opportunity to learn from my mistakes. We are afraid of failing, and that's normal, but we have to see it as a way of doing things better; if I blame others, or the world, or bad luck, I don't learn anything.

Why me? Is the worst question you can ask yourself. Things don't only happen to you; that's the nature of life: sometimes it brings good things and other times bad ones. And we have to navigate them. Don't think that bad things only happen to you, don't think you are the victim of a conspiracy of the universe, because it isn't true.

The time has come to take responsibility for what one thinks and for what one does, for our own mistakes, and to stop blaming someone else. You decide, you make mistakes, and you learn—there's nothing more to it. You are not the victim of anything or anyone; take the reins of your life for the good and for the bad.

3. Staying in the comfort zone

How our mind loves to keep us in the comfort zone, so it doesn't take risks. Remember that we are programmed to survive, not to be happy. The bad thing about always staying here is that it prevents you from developing and growing; crises always make us better than we were before, which is why we need to take risks and step out of that zone, because after that initial uncertainty comes personal growth, whether things turn out well or badly. Stepping out of the comfort zone is a sure win. There's a book I recommend if you want to work on this: Who Moved My Cheese?

4. Feeling judged

We spend too much time trying to please others, and what we don't realize is that this doesn't depend only on us; it also depends on others, on pheromones… Keep this phrase in your mind and repeat it whenever you feel that you have to please others:

“I can't please everyone, just as not everyone pleases me, and that's okay”

The only person you truly have to please is yourself. Forget about others.

From today I free you from the judgments of the rest of the world and from your own, you'll see what a relief it is!

5. Envy

Every minute you invest in envying something in someone's life is a minute you lose in building your own life, and time is a very precious asset. Stop looking at the success of others with envy, as if the fact that someone else is doing well makes you do badly. It's a false belief. I invite you to admire people who are doing well; don't judge, just admire. Don't think it was a matter of good luck and that this person did nothing to get there; just be glad of their well-being.

The more interesting your life is, the less interesting it will seem to you to judge the lives of others. So devote time to building yourself up and don't spend time looking at the lives of others—at least not looking at them with eyes of envy, but rather with eyes of learning and admiration.

Conclusions

Devote time to your life, take responsibility for it, step out of your comfort zone because even if it goes badly you always win. Don't waste time envying anyone, nor waste time trying to please everyone. Invest your time in yourself, in liking yourself. Focus on what you do have, stop putting the focus on what you lack. Thank life every day for what you have and feel how fortunate you already are.