9 reasons to stop complaining

The other day, I read an article in País that left me amazed. Two friends, Thierry Blancpain and Pieter Pelgrims, committed to spending a month without complaining, and they liked the results of this experiment so much that in February 2015 they decided to set up the project Complaint Restraint February. A 28-day month in which one could not complain about silly things. Opening this experience up to everyone. More than 1,700 people signed up.

The benefits of adopting this attitude are clear: on the one hand, the feeling of happiness increases because one stops focusing only on the bad, and on the other hand it makes you realize which acquaintances live in constant complaint and make you unhappy.

This article caught my attention because complaining is something I see in my practice every day. Vague, generalized complaints that lead to no solutions and that only generate discomfort and a feeling of misery. Phrases like: “everything is crap,” “my husband does nothing,” “I'm always the one who has to solve the problems at work,” “what a drag, this rain,” …

And then, accounts full of negative things that happened to them during that day begin. That's why this article seemed like a great idea to me. A month without complaints!!! Without focusing on the negative and unimportant things that happen in our daily lives. To this exercise, we could add a gratitude task: every night give thanks for three things we have in our life (our children, a house, food, an umbrella, a job, a partner, friends,…).

What is the point of complaining?

Absolutely nothing. Apart from anchoring you in the negative, it stops you from looking for solutions. Normally, people with a tendency to complain are not very resourceful. They see problems in solutions and don't usually remedy what bothers them. If I continually complain about my boss but do nothing about it, what is the point? If my job doesn't make me happy, complaining is of no use; I must look for solutions: either I fix the situation I don't like within my job, or I change jobs, or at least I try.

Here are nine reasons to stop complaining:

It makes things look worse than they are

When someone complains, they focus only on what is wrong; they pay no attention to anything else. Even if what is wrong is only 20% and the remaining 80% is fine, they fix on the negative, ignoring the positive. When you spend the day complaining and talking about the bad, you end up seeing things as worse than they really are.

You run the risk of it becoming a habit

The more you focus on the negative, the harder it becomes to see the good side of things and the further you move away from a positive mindset. Our habits define and guide us, so we should be very careful about which habits we choose.

You end up getting what you focus on

It is what psychologists call confirmation bias: a tendency to interpret new information in a way that confirms one's own preconceptions and to ignore information that contradicts our beliefs. Therefore, if I focus on the negative, I will tend to choose the information that proves me right that everything is crap, and I will stop seeing the information that tells me otherwise.

It leads others to complain

Normally the discourse of a person who complains generates in the listener this tendency to protest, creating a palpable climate of emotional discomfort. If your environment complains, you end up being intoxicated by that tendency and also focusing your attention on negative things. You end up believing their complaints and making them your own.

It generates a feeling of helplessness

In an atmosphere of continual complaint, one ends up thinking that there is no solution, that nothing can be done to change things, that whatever you do everything will continue to be bad or worse.

Complaining kills innovation

A person who complains is the first to shoot down an innovative idea. Creativity and complaint are two opposites; either one occurs or the other does, but you won't see them together.

It attracts negative people

Complaining draws negative people toward it; any optimistic person will be seen as unrealistic or naive.

It creates unhealthy relationships

People who complain together unite against the world and feed off one another to keep being negative; any positive idea will be frowned upon. In the end, they end up joining together and forming “closed groups” of negative feedback.

Complaining and pessimism are two sides of the same coin

Complaining focuses you on the negative, and that leads you to pessimism, to seeing only the problem in every matter, never thinking about solutions. The pessimist believes that by thinking about the worst they will be more prepared when it comes, but what they don't know is that the optimist enjoys life more and, when the problem arrives, focuses on the solution, having absolute confidence that what they are doing is going to work.

If, with these reasons, I haven't convinced you, try to stop complaining for a month and notice the effects.

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