5 secrets about female sexuality you should know

Since Masters and Johnson defined the phases of the human sexual response in the 1970s, we have not advanced much further, apart from the contribution of Dr. Kaplan adding the desire phase.

Currently there is a widespread consensus on the different phases:

- Desire phase

- Arousal phase

- Plateau phase

- Orgasm phase

- Resolution phase

Everyone, both men and women, goes through the different phases. The only one we can skip, especially us women, is the desire phase. We can begin a sexual relationship without feeling desire beforehand. Moreover, once it has begun, desire persists throughout all the other phases and ends in the resolution phase, thus closing the circle.

Perhaps the desire phase is the one with the most differences between men and women. Women begin sexual activity more frequently without having previously experienced the desire phase. Intimacy with their partner and sexual approach make desire appear together with the arousal phase. In addition, the stimuli that lead to sexual desire are different in men and in women. In men, sexual fantasies (internal stimuli) are more frequent than in women. And as for external stimuli, women pay more attention to the context (climate, place,…) than men do.

Another phase where there is a difference we cannot ignore is in the orgasm phase. Masters and Johnson were the first to speak of a woman's multiorgasmic capacity and nowadays there are many authors who have corroborated their findings. The problem, these days, is the pressure that both men and women feel when it comes to having an orgasm in all their sexual encounters. Not all sexual encounters are the same, nor must we have intercourse in all of them, nor are we obliged to have an orgasm.

I think it is about time to talk about those secrets about female sexuality:

1. Take care of the context

A pleasant atmosphere (music, candles,..), a relaxed environment and a slow start will make no woman resist sex. We cannot forget the importance of context for female sexual desire. Starting sexual relations by directly caressing the genitals is something that the man will love but not the woman.

This does not mean that there must always be special care of the surroundings, but we should keep it in mind and take care of sexuality as much as we should take care of other aspects of the relationship.

2. Are all women multiorgasmic?

The answer is yes, any woman can experience several orgasms in a single sexual encounter. But it will depend on many things: on the trust with your sexual partner (saying what you like and what you do not will help the other to get it right more often), on the freedom you give yourself to feel (whether you are able to let go and allow yourself to feel) and on the knowledge of the physiological sensations of your body (the changes that appear before the orgasm and that tell you it is going to happen).

3. Are women less active than men?

We all know the thousands of female excuses for not having sex: I have a headache, I am tired, not now…

This fact is closely linked to sexual desire. In women, as we have already mentioned before, this phase sometimes does not appear before the sexual encounter.

Although with each passing generation, these excuses fade and men and women become more alike, we cannot overlook that there will always be differences between them and us. Fortunately, more and more, men are concerned about the pleasure they give their partner and women have experienced a sexual liberation that has allowed them to enjoy their body and their sex more. And this is great news for both sexes.

4. The more sex, the more desire

An important engine of sexual desire is previous satisfying sexual experiences. The more sex I have, the better I know my sexual partner and myself, and the more likely I am to have good sex. And these satisfying relations will be the ones that predispose me to desire more sexual encounters.

This would explain those stages in which we increase our sexual relations and the more we do it the more we want.

5. Is the orgasm clitoral?

Masters and Johnson staunchly defended this type of orgasm, they believed that without stimulation of the clitoris there could be no female orgasm. Nowadays, there are many authors who differ from this concept. Thanks in part to the discovery of the G-spot, made by the German gynecologist Ernst Gräfenberg.

The G-spot is located on the inner wall of the vagina. Rivers of ink have been written about whether the orgasm is clitoral or vaginal. There are defenders of the clitoris who claim that the G-spot may have an anatomical relationship with the internal extension of the clitoris along the vaginal canal. In short, I prefer the idea that a woman, besides being multiorgasmic, can have orgasms through stimulation of both the clitoris and the vagina and that they are also completely different orgasms and both are wonderful.

Reflections

For centuries, women were denied the enjoyment of sex and now we feel almost obliged to have multiple orgasms in all our sexual relations. Extremes were never good. I invite you to enjoy sex without pressure, without false expectations and without taboos. Each sexual encounter is different and unique; sex is not just intercourse, it is the kiss, the caress and the surroundings. Sex goes beyond an orgasm. We should not let our sex life be manipulated any further, neither by excess nor by deficiency ;)