What are social skills in childhood and why are they so important?

Does your child have difficulties relating to others? Do they constantly self-criticise or blame themselves as a result of a bad situation they went through? Do they find it hard to express what they want or think to others?

Social skills are a set of behaviours or abilities that allow us to act effectively in a given social situation, and that enable us to establish appropriate relationships while also resolving conflicts successfully.

Every social skill begins to develop in childhood, thanks to the number of relationships we establish when we are children, through the people who care for us, both at home and at school, friends, etc. In other words, social skills are the set of beliefs, values, emotions and feelings, the result of the learning and experience of our day to day, which will influence how we relate to others.

This is why it is very important to pay attention to the development of social skills, since on the one hand they are essential for children's adaptation to their environment and, on the other, in adulthood they will provide them with tools to function in the social sphere in a healthy and emotionally balanced way.

The first years of life are the foundations on which personality is built, and if our child has difficulties acquiring these skills, this may have repercussions on their self-concept and self-esteem.

What are the abilities that make up social skills?

Among the abilities that make up social skills, we find:

- Attachment: the ability to establish affective bonds with other people.

- Empathy: the ability to put oneself in another's place and understand them.

- Assertiveness: the ability to defend one's own thoughts and opinions without harming others.

- Cooperation: the ability to collaborate with others to achieve a common goal.

- Communication: the ability to express and to listen. Feelings, emotions, ideas, etc.

- Self-control: the ability to interpret one's own and others' emotions and feelings in a controlled way.

- Understanding situations: the ability to understand social situations and not take them personally, or blame oneself for certain things.

- Conflict resolution: the ability to resolve social problems by reaching an agreement and through peaceful, non-aggressive behaviours.

What happens when there is inadequate development of social skills in childhood?

When the development of social skills is not adequate, it is very difficult for the child to build positive and healthy relationships, or simply to be able to interact with others when they want to.

Understanding relationships and other people is essential when we want to relate to others, but when we do not have the tools that allow us to do so, it affects every area: school, personal life…

Consequences of not developing adequate social skills:

- Low self-esteem. Children with few social skills will have problems functioning in their social environment. This will lead them to think that it is because of them, and their self-esteem will drop. Their self-image will be negative. All of this will cause their social skills to be scarce and not to keep developing normally.

- Difficulty expressing wishes and opinions (assertiveness). People who do not have good social abilities will have difficulties knowing and being able to express what they want and what they think.

- Difficulties relating to others. The lack of social skills can lead to excessive shyness and difficulty making friends and relating to others.

- School problems. This type of problem can also arise due to social maladjustment, even leading to school failure.

- Emotional distress. The absence of social relationships can lead to associated emotional distress.

How can we help our children develop good social skills?

Social skills, which give us the ability to face relationships with others successfully and in a healthy way, develop progressively throughout childhood and adolescence. During this period we acquire the strategies that later, in adulthood, will serve as the basis for our relationships. That is why, during this period, we can help our child develop good social skills. But how?

- Let us always positively reinforce their self-esteem. We must help them form a positive image of themselves. That will give them the strength to function socially and not blame themselves for those situations that are not positive for them. Let us always make constructive criticism and encourage them to set goals and not to give up in the face of mistakes. Let us teach them that learning means making mistakes, not self-criticising.

- Let us pass on values to children. They must learn to value themselves and others. Teach them to respect and tolerate.

- Let us be an example for them. In your relationships with them and with others, act consistently and convey what you want them to do. They will learn appropriate social skills through direct experience, imitation and positive reinforcement of their good behaviours.

- Let us talk with them and work on the beliefs and ideas they have. When certain social situations happen to you and/or to them, explain the situation to them, help them understand. If, for example, someone answers us rudely, we must explain to children that this response probably has nothing to do with us; people simply have their own lives and are probably angry about something. We should not therefore take it personally, but neither should we let people speak badly to us. Teach them, then, with your example, to respond to these situations assertively.

- Let us foster the ability to listen and to understand others. To do so, listen to them yourself and teach them to listen to others.

- Let us promote an environment for our children that is rich in relationships. It is important that children have different social experiences, so that they experiment, learn and lose their fear of certain situations.

- Let us encourage them to participate in different groups or to do activities with other people, without our presence being necessary. It is important that children learn to manage on their own, without the constant protection of adults.