The 10 Demands of a Child

Sometimes, when I'm at a restaurant, I can't help but observe situations of conflict with children. I remember one time when a little girl about 3-4 years old was at a restaurant in an amusement park after a long day of excitement and walking and didn't want to have dinner, I saw the tantrum coming and I saw the look of frustration and despair on the parents' faces. How many times have we as parents experienced situations like this? Some of them avoidable and others not. For the ones we can avoid, the formula is almost always the same: listen to your child, learn to understand what is happening to them and treat them with respect. In the amusement park situation, it would have been enough to understand that, although she never said so, she was too tired to have dinner and it had been too long a day for her to cope with herself. If I interpret better what is happening to my children, especially by observing and listening to them, I will get it right more often than if I let myself be carried away by my own emotions.

The sad thing is that no one tells us that they have rights we must respect, and since they cannot do it on their own, we must also make sure that other adults respect them.

That's why today I have decided to give voice to children and make their requests public:

1. Never hit me

When you hit me, I am afraid of you and afterwards I fill up with rage. I don't understand why someone I love so much hurts me. You teach me to solve situations with violence and that is what I will do when I reach adolescence. You don't teach me anything, only to feel rage and hatred. And if ever, blinded by your own rage, you hit me, ask me for forgiveness and then I will understand that you didn't want to do it, that you also make mistakes and that you respect me.

2. If I cry, listen to me, something is wrong

Letting me cry doesn't help me grow, it fills me with sadness and I feel alone. If you let me cry we don't solve the problem and I get stressed. Many times I don't know how to express what is happening to me and so I cry, I need you to put words to my thoughts and kisses to my tears.

3. Let me make mistakes

That's how I learn. If you take away my opportunity to fail, you don't let me grow or learn. When you overprotect me you make me smaller.

4. Play with me

Sometimes I just need a little while, when you play with me for 5 minutes I feel safe and loved. If you never have time to play, I'm not going to understand that it's because you don't have time, what I'll understand is that I'm not important enough for you to set aside your obligations for a moment and sit with me.

5. Set rules and limits for me

This really does help me grow. It teaches me what path I should follow. If you don't set limits for me I don't know what you expect from me. Your rules are my compass, without them I'm very lost and that generates anxiety and fear in me.

6. Let me speak and give my opinion

When you let me decide small things in my life, I feel good, I feel more grown up and I fill up with pride. If I can choose the fruit I want for dessert or you ask my opinion about the plan for Saturday afternoon, you make me feel that I am important to you. When you treat me like a member of the family without a voice, I feel nullified and I get the urge to claim my individuality.

7. Don't label me or compare me

I am unique. You cannot compare me with anyone. When you do, what I see is that you don't value me for who I am and that on top of that you would like me to be like someone else. That doesn't motivate me to improve, it makes me very sad. If you label me I believe that it is part of me and is not changeable. If you tell me I am bad you don't give me the option to change. If you tell me that today I behaved badly, it means that I can do it better.

8. I am not bad

Behind my bad behavior there is always a need, but since I don't know how to express it…Sometimes it's simply that I want your attention.

9. Kiss me and hug me

You make me feel so good! I like to feel loved, it gives me security and confidence. All the love you have for me now will become how much I love myself as an adult.

10. I need to be with you

Right now you are the most important thing in my life. I always want to be with you and I don't understand that you sometimes don't want to. When you dedicate time to me I feel so happy and when you go to work but you tell me that you wish you could stay with me I see that you also want to be with me.