Self-control techniques for children

In some situations, many parents feel helpless when their children fly into a rage and they do not know how to calm them down. What is more, when "the tantrums appear" the parents tend to become more nervous, and that increases the child's anger, giving rise to a loop that is hard to break out of.

More and more we are seeing in consultation cases of children who struggle to control themselves in situations of anger. That is why we emphasize that parents should have a "box of resources" to teach them different options that help the child to self-regulate.

How to prevent emotional outbursts

But first there are some tricks that parents can use to prevent these emotional outbursts, such as: listening to them attentively and showing interest in what they tell us, attending to their emotions, channeling their energy through sport, anticipating for them what is going to happen, asking questions instead of giving orders, giving them limited options, giving them affection often, helping them find solutions or alternatives, etc. But when the emotional loss of control is imminent, this is where parents have to open their box of resources to teach their children how to control themselves. Let us look at some techniques.

Self-control techniques to teach children

- First of all, we have to explain to them how anger works. We use the "volcano technique", in which we explain to them that we are like a volcano: when the volcano is calm the lava does not come out, and on the

- contrary, the moment the volcano "activates" is when the lava comes out to the surface. Here is an easy and fun example to carry it out

- Calm cake. On a piece of paper we draw a circle and we will divide it into different parts which will be the "slices of the cake". On each slice we will write a trick for calming down. For example, counting backwards from 10, breathing deeply as if we were pulling out a spaghetti, etc. It is fun to think together about different strategies for calming down.

- Peace space. It consists of creating a special place inside the home where the child can turn to in order to calm down and recover their emotional balance. This place should be chosen between the parents and the child and should contain elements that invite them to relax and feel peace: music, toys, stuffed animals, a picture that encourages calm, cushions, etc.

- The traffic light. It is a very effective technique for teaching children how to calm down during an outburst of anger, doing it all the way a traffic light does. Red to stop just as vehicles do, Yellow to think about what is happening and look at possible alternatives, and Green to act in a more rational and stable way. To do this we encourage the child to draw a traffic light and to write next to it the instructions mentioned, so that they see it more graphically.

- The sand effect. There are many children who are more sensorially sensitive and find textures related to nature relaxing. Getting sand is easy, and we can put it in a box so that they can touch it and play with it by adding toys.

- Being a balloon. It consists of imagining that one is a balloon that gradually inflates and that, once inflated, will imagine itself flying away very high.

- Making an anti-stress ball. Another very simple technique that children will really like is making an anti-stress ball. We only need a balloon and to fill it with rice or lentils.

Parents as a model of self-control

We can find an endless number of resources for our box, but the most effective tool is the parents themselves. The most effective way to achieve it is through one's own practice and self-control. Let us remember that parents are a mirror for their children, and the behavior that surrounds the child is what they will learn and carry out in their life. Parents are the main teachers in charge of transmitting to them a very powerful skill: emotional self-control.