Imaginary Friends

Have you ever had an imaginary friend you played with as a child and who only existed in your imagination? It is very common that during the stage from two-three years of age until seven-eight years of age, some imaginary beings, friends, or heroes appear in children's day-to-day lives. A study conducted by the University of Washington and the University of Oregon concluded that two out of three children have imaginary friends between four and seven years of age. In addition, the study points out that one third of school-age children still had one and that 70% of the total sample (152 children) were firstborn or only children.

Why do children have imaginary friends?

Imaginary friends can be of different natures, such as people or objects, visible or invisible, and it is with them that the child has a space to talk, play, and quarrel.

How many of us, as children, imagined that our stuffed animals were classmates, superheroes, or our new best friend?

It is in those situations where the little ones:

- Learn to express their feelings, positive and negative, to a world parallel to their own.

- Gain more confidence in themselves.

- Learn to be stronger and more capable.

- Control their emotions more.

- Develop empathy.

- Improve their social skills.

- Develop creativity.

- Satisfy some need that they do not have in their usual environment.

Let's look at the following example:

"Ana was 5 years old, and her parents had separated 2 months earlier. One day, while spending the weekend with her father, Ana began to have an imaginary friend, María. Ana's dad paid attention to the conversations they had, and saw how they talked, argued, and had fun.

That same Sunday, before leaving for her mother's house, Ana said to her father:

- Dad, I'm leaving, but I know you're going to be fine, because María is staying here to take care of you."

In this case we observe how Ana has developed a mental mechanism, her imaginary friend, to cope with the trauma of her parents' separation.

Children are aware of the real world, but at those ages they still find it difficult to assimilate and accept it as it is. For this reason they create a world where everything is possible, permitted, and resolved.

Parents and their child's imaginary friend

It is important to understand that it is not something pathological or abnormal, but what should we as parents do? How can we take part?

If your child has an imaginary friend, it is advisable that you observe them discreetly, mainly to detect in their conversations any emerging need or desire, and to know whether their friend is good or bad. This observation will also help you get to know your child better.

They should never be scolded for it, since that can hurt them, to such an extent that they may not want to play with their imaginary friend when you are present.

The important thing is to keep track of the time our child plays daily with their imaginary friend and to discover whether they are expressing some need.

When does the imaginary friend become a concern?

We as parents should begin to worry and consult a specialist when:

- The child clings to the imaginary friend to such an extent that it prevents them from carrying out their daily tasks.

- They no longer want to have real friends to play and interact with.

- They become withdrawn and do not socialize with their peers.

- They have acquired aggressive behavior because of a violent imaginary friend.

It is in those cases that some problem may exist; otherwise, there are no reasons to worry. In the same way that imaginary friends arrive, they leave and disappear over time, coinciding with the development of the functions of language, logic, memory, and intelligence.