How to Get Over a Breakup in 10 Steps

All of us, at some point in our lives, are going to face the end of a romantic relationship. It does not matter whether we are the ones who decide to end it, or the other person, or both; whoever it is that decides, the effects will be similar.

What can we do to cope with this situation in the best possible way?

Accept it

It is the first step to begin working through the grief of this loss. A breakup is similar to grieving, because it is, after all, a loss: you lose your partner, you lose a way of living, and a part of yourself. No one can begin a grieving process without first accepting the situation.

Break the bond as soon as possible, only then will you be able to detach yourself from that relationship. When something is over, it is over, and there is no point in staying there. Accept that it is over and do not wallow in suffering. Do not torture yourself by thinking about the same thing over and over again; that will not give you back your past, it will only tie you to it.

Get on the ferris wheel and welcome the sadness

From here on, a ferris wheel of emotions begins; you will go up and you will come down, you will have good days and very bad days. Do not look for explanations, you are on a ferris wheel and it will take you a while to come down. There is nothing wrong with crying, there is nothing wrong with being sad, it is normal and it is part of the process. It seems that, these days, crying or having a hard time is frowned upon. Sadness is just another emotion and it has the same right to exist as joy. It is not bad to mourn a loss, it is what needs to happen. Everything you cry now is suffering you will save yourself later. Everything that comes out does not stay inside.

Take care of yourself

Get physical exercise, it is the best natural antidepressant. Eat well, sleep well. Even though sometimes it is not so easy, at least try; get ready and take care of your personal appearance. The time has come to pamper yourself. Seeing yourself looking good physically will help you psychologically too.

Avoid drinking in excess, abusing drugs, or having revenge sex

All these behaviors will only give you a second of a high but then you are going to spend the rest of the week regretting it. It is not worth it and it does no good. As I have said before, grief has to be cried out, there are no shortcuts.

Do not harass or monitor your ex, and do not let them harass you

It is one of the most common mistakes, to monitor and harass an ex. They no longer owe you any explanations and can be with whoever they want. Do not monitor them, you will only end up hurting yourself and perhaps facing a complaint. If it is the other way around and your ex harasses you, do not hesitate to report it.

Seek emotional and/or professional support

It is the time to recover those neglected friendships and to grow closer to the family that supports you. You need to distract yourself and not spend too much time alone. Talking it over with others helps, and do not hesitate to seek professional help. Couples therapy more and more people are turning to therapy to get over a breakup, and they all say the same thing: if only I had known, I would have come sooner.

Stop fooling yourself with the positive

When a relationship ends, we tend to remember only the good things. It is as if a rose-colored filter sneaked into our memory. We have to make a conscious effort to also remember the bad things about that relationship. If it ended, it could not have all been so good. Look for the flaws and write them down to remember them in moments of feeling down.

Rebuild your identity

When a romantic relationship ends, a part of you dies. You stop being the partner of, you stop being the other half of, you stop having to give explanations, you stop sharing everything, and you even stop living where you lived and doing what you did. Your life changes radically and it is normal for your identity to be left in ruins. You have to build it again, now on your own. Take advantage, while you are at it, to be more of what you had always wanted to be. Take advantage to be more autonomous and independent, to be more yourself. The time has come to create new routines.

Prepare yourself to see your ex with someone else

This happens and, what is more, it usually happens too soon. It is normal to feel bad but there is no need to panic. We will not like it for two reasons: 1. because an ex is always an ex and it is not pleasant to see them rebuild their life and 2. because we will not like at all that they do it before we do; it is like a long-distance race to see who reaches the finish line first.

No bad thing lasts 100 years

Everyone knows that nothing is eternal. This applies both to the good and to the bad. Even though right now you cannot see the end of this suffering, everything will pass sooner or later. It is in your hands whether it is sooner or later, but it will definitely pass. Your brain needs time to process the changes from that breakup, they are changes in everything: in your identity, your routine… it is a new learning process, learning to be alone, and this takes time. So all that is left is to hope that everything gets better after a breakup.