How to detect negative thoughts in our children?

We find that *the key to being more positive in our daily lives is the good use of our thoughts. Unfortunately, there are some that affect us negatively and also affect our children. These, besides being negative, are automatic, meaning that they assail us and come into our heads without our noticing. This type of thought hammers us with live, direct comments about what is happening and about what we do. They are also very important because they exert an effect on what we do and on how we feel. Such thoughts are called negative or distorted thoughts*. Below, we will name the most relevant thinking errors:

Negative selection:

These are the thoughts that make us focus only on the negative things that happen. We only see the things that go wrong or that are not right. Any positive event we overlook.

Marta goes to a birthday party where many friends from her class are. They play all afternoon, eat chocolate cake and dance a lot; the only thing is that her friend Carla could not come. Even though she had a great time, when Marta's mother asks her how it went, she replies that it went badly because Carla could not come".

The Big-Bang theory:

This is when we magnify the negative things.

Marcos failed a math midterm, so he is completely sure that he will fail the whole term.

Either black or white?

Things are perceived in extremes, there is no middle ground. Either things are good or bad, or perfect or failed.

Sandra always gets a 10 in social studies, and one day she gets a 7.8. She thinks she is a failure because she did not get a 10. That is, either I get a 10 or I am a failure.

The Fortune Teller

This thinking error makes the person believe they know what others are thinking.

A book falls in the middle of class and I think: "Everyone surely thinks I'm stupid"

Emotional disguise:

Since we feel bad, sad and down, then we take for granted that life is also bad, sad and down. Our emotions dominate us and color our way of thinking.

Marc feels very anxious when he has to sleep away from home and thinks that if he sleeps away something bad might happen.

It's all my fault:

Seeing oneself as the only one to blame for what happens.

"If our friend doesn't see us and walks by without greeting us, we may think: "I must have said something that upset her"

All of us have this type of thought at some point. The problem appears when we continually use these thoughts in our life and in our particular view of the world, of situations and of our personal experiences. If this is continually happening to your child to the point that it is affecting their life, the help of a professional is recommended.

Negative thoughts: How can we help them?

They can become a source of distress, negatively affecting children's self-esteem.

If we want our children to get out of this negative circle, the first thing we have to do is identify these distorted thoughts. Once they are "caught", we must question them, that is, demonstrate that these thoughts are not real and that, moreover, they are negatively affecting our daily lives. Finally, we must find more balanced thoughts.

Below we will analyze each thought to turn it into a more appropriate one:

Negative selection:

If we stop to question this thought, we realize that we are only seeing exclusively one side of the coin.

It is true that Marta would have liked Carla to have been at the party, but this does not take away from the fact that Marta had a good time because she danced, ate cake and played with her friends.

The Big-Bang theory:

It does not mean that an isolated event always happens.

Because Marcos has failed a math midterm, it does not mean that he will always fail it. It is important that he rationalizes this distortion so that he realizes that if he is positive and consistent in his work he will be able to succeed in his own exams.

Either black or white?

Things are not only black and white; there are also other colors.

Sandra must become aware that things cannot be so radical and should make the situation more flexible.

The Fortune Teller

Unless we have inherited gifts for guessing what others think, we cannot make judgments.

If a book falls in the middle of class, many people will probably look because of the noise.

Emotional disguise

We cannot see reality according to how we feel. Life does not become positive or negative depending on how we feel at that moment.

If Marc analyzes his behavior, he will realize that fear is taking over to the point of believing that something will happen to him if he sleeps away. That is, we see life according to how we feel.

It's all my fault:

Not all negative events are one's own fault.

Maybe our friend didn't see us because she was thinking about her own things.

Detecting, questioning and modifying negative thoughts in our loved ones will help them have a more realistic view of life, being able to not let themselves be carried away by subjectivities. With this we will provide them with tools to improve their quality of life.

If you would like more information about negative thoughts in children, please contact El Teu Espai