How to Cope with the Loss of Our Loved Ones in Times of Covid-19

Grief: a process of change and acceptance

Grief is one of the greatest challenges we can face throughout our lives. It is a painful challenge and no two are ever the same. This is a process of change, a crisis, a loss that we are never prepared for and have to face from one day to the next.

Grief gives us a lesson in feelings and emotions, in pain, anger, sadness, emptiness… but it is also a phase of acceptance and (re)location.

The situation we are currently living through already represents a crisis with a strong perception of danger and fear. But we can take advantage of this situation by transforming it into an opportunity for growth, into time to reflect and thus be able to adapt to the new family, social and personal demands that these times pose to us.

In this new stage, the number of deaths is being very high, mainly due to Covid-19 but also due to other causes and illnesses. Things get complicated when the affected families cannot hold the farewell rituals, banned by the government as a preventive measure to "flatten the curve" of the spread of Covid-19.

For this reason, I would like to convey to you my feeling of support and to offer you some alternatives for saying goodbye to our most beloved ones.

What use are farewell rituals to us?

They are a symbolic way of helping with the acceptance of the loss and of expressing each of the feelings we have in the face of loss. It is the way we have of giving sense and meaning to the absence of a loved one; it brings us into the grieving process.

Farewell rituals connect us with the deepest and most intense pain we may come to feel, but at the same time, they will help us connect with how we are experiencing it. Each person will need to choose the farewell ritual they feel most comfortable with, taking into account the emotional weight it will entail for us.

The goal is to choose the one that makes us feel a little better. Time is a very important factor both at the moment of farewell and in the grieving process. We are not going to set a time limit; each person will need their own personal time.

Examples of farewell rituals

Some examples of farewell rituals that may be helpful to you:

• Writing a letter addressed to the deceased person. Addressed to an emotion (e.g., "Letter to anger"). In the form of a farewell. In the form of the history of the relationship with the deceased person. In the form of gratitude, etc. This letter should be written in your own handwriting; we should not use a pc or another device. Once written, we can bury it, keep it in the box of memories, or burn it in a ritual.

• Gathering, in the form of a diary or notes, those thoughts and the sensation they convey to you is also an option. This way we will become aware of the situation and relieve the feeling of mental exhaustion.

• Preparing a piece of writing to share with loved ones and friends at an alternative ceremony.

• Drawing. An alternative to writing. Drawing what we feel and what it is more difficult for us to put into words.

• Compiling photos and videos and making a small album. It does not work for everyone. It can often be difficult at first. Little by little we will prepare ourselves and get used to it.

• Box of memories. With objects belonging to the deceased person, photos, messages, etc. Decorate it to your liking and store it or leave it in a spot in the room so you can open it whenever you need to.

• Planting a tree or flowers. A message can be buried beneath it.

• Sharing memories with your friends and family.

Taking care of ourselves and letting others care for us

Our environment must always be involved, whether or not we need our own space to carry out the farewell; always express our needs so that they can accompany us and help us.

We must take care of ourselves and, very importantly, let others take care of us.