The death of a pet

We know beforehand that pets are one of the most desired things for children. And not because of the animal itself, but because of the fact of relating to it, especially when they try to incorporate it into play. It is therefore easy to establish an emotional bond. Although it should be said that, depending on the animal, one type of bond or another is formed; that is, a fish or a turtle is not the same as a dog or a cat.

When it dies it is very difficult to explain it to children, and sometimes we tend to tell them white lies so that they do not suffer. For example, buying an apparently similar pet to replace it or telling them it has gone on a very long trip. Obviously it is completely understandable that we want to avoid their suffering, but what we do is the complete opposite: we will increase their confusion and uncertainty about what has happened.

Common questions children ask after the death of their pet

Was the death my fault? – We can answer that its time had come, that it was already very old and tired. But sometimes the pet dies due to the child's carelessness and the child can feel very guilty. Here we can put into words that sometimes accidents happen that we cannot control and that there was no intention to cause harm.

Can I die too? Yes, we will all die when it is our time.

How might they react?

We adults usually express our pain with sadness and dejection. In contrast, children often express that suffering with aggression, hyperactivity, changes in appetite, more restless sleep, less interest in tasks and routines, etc. For this reason, we have to be alert to these changes they may show in order to help them manage this feeling in the best possible way.

Why should we tell them the truth?

Death is a difficult subject to address in general, but it becomes worse when we have to face it with children. The reason is simple: we do not want them to suffer and to lose that innocence they have. But death, like life, exists in all living beings; for this reason, what remains for us to do is to find the best way for children to be able to understand that death is just another cycle of life and that we should keep the good memories that our loved one has given us.

How can we help them?

As we said earlier, we must identify the changes in the child. From here, we will be able to better manage their grief.

• Be honest: The main thing is to be sincere with them so that they can process grief in the most natural way possible, and thus understand that death is real.

• We must share our feelings: It is not bad for children to see our pain and sadness at the death of a loved one. On the contrary, they will feel more accompanied and understood in that situation of sadness. If they see that we do not hide from these feelings, it will be less difficult for them to express themselves and they will feel less alone in their pain.

• Hold a burial ritual: It is good for our children to be able to participate in whatever ritual we want to carry out. In addition, this will help them better understand the meaning of death and the grieving process.

It also helps to make a farewell letter or drawing that they can leave behind to solidify a "goodbye" to their loved one.

Some recommended stories

#### Books for working on grief in general

"El árbol de los recuerdos" by Britta Teckentrup and "No es fácil, pequeña ardilla" by Elisa ramón and Rosa Osuna

#### They talk about the grief of losing a pet

"Yo siempre te querré" by Hans Wilhelm

#### It addresses the topic of the natural cycle of life

"¡Vuela mariposa!" by Lydia Giménez