# The Dethroned Prince - How to Deal with Jealousy in Children? > A new member joins the family and we all have to make an effort to adapt to the new situation at home, and often, jealousy... - **Author:** mireia-navarro-vera · **Category:** Infantil - **Published:** 2017-10-18 · **Updated:** 2023-03-10 - **URL:** https://elteuespai.com/en/dethroned-prince-how-to-deal-with-sibling-jealousy/ - _Translation pending clinical review._ --- **THE DETHRONED PRINCE. ** **A new member joins the family** and we all have to make an effort to **adapt to the new situation** at home, and often, **jealousy appears** as a normal developmental response between siblings, since they will have to share the affection and attention of their parents with a third person. ## Why does jealousy appear? **Why does jealousy appear?** Until now we have devoted ourselves to our child exclusively, but **the birth of a new child forces us to divide our time and attention.** It must be taken into account that if our older child is **less than 2 and a half years old**, they will have to share with their younger sibling a series of needs that until then were met exclusively: both will need help at bath time, during meals, getting dressed, playing… We, as parents, logically have to take care of our youngest child, but we must not forget that our older child does not have the same **psychological and emotional resources** as we do, and they will experience it as a **loss,** easily blaming the new member for it. Many times, from an adult perspective, we want our older children to take on the role of older siblings and the responsibilities that derive from it. We expect them to easily understand the new situation and we ask them to cooperate by helping to care for the baby. *“Empathy does not appear until ages 4-5”* Sometimes we succeed, but we must keep in mind that **children are not psychologically mature enough** to stop thinking that they are the center of the world until ages **4-5**. It is very difficult for them to understand and accept that there are other people at home who also need attention and affection. ## How can I tell if my child is jealous? **How can I tell if my child is jealous?** Jealousy can manifest in different ways: - **Our child behaves as if they were younger**. The most common is the appearance of behaviors characteristic of earlier stages. The child regresses and does things they had already stopped doing, such as stopping walking and preferring to ride in the stroller or be carried, asking to drink milk from a bottle, or wetting themselves again. - **Our child takes on responsibilities that are surprising for their age**. Many times positive behaviors appear, such as obedience or cooperation. This situation usually occurs in children aged 4-5 and can be caused both by the fact that they have matured and as a way to compensate for the feeling of guilt that jealousy generates in them. ## Tips that will help us battle jealousy **Tips that will help us battle jealousy** - **It is advisable to let 2 or 3 years pass between one birth and another.** In this way our older child will be more able to understand the new situation, while we will prevent them from feeling that they have to share and compete to satisfy their needs. - **It is recommended to wait until the second trimester** **of pregnancy** **to explain** to our child **that they will have a little sibling**, when we are sure that everything is going well and so that it does not seem so long to them. For a child, nine months can be an eternity. - It is important that the father and the mother **share the news at the same time.** - The explanations we give our child must be **true and adapted to their level of comprehension and maturity**. Confusion must be avoided. - Pregnancy offers us an excellent opportunity to **share many special moments with our child** in relation to the little sibling. Listening together to the baby's heartbeat, seeing it in the ultrasounds, feeling how it moves in the belly, telling them a story, talking to it… all these situations will help them get to know their new sibling and establish a unique relationship with them. - It is important to make clear that the baby is a new member of the family and that **we love them just as much as we love them.** - ![father playing with his son](/images/blog/2017/10/papa-jugando-con-hijo-300x200.webp)It is advisable to **have time** **to exclusively attend to the emotional needs of our older child**: reserve spaces to be with them, without interruptions, sharing some activity they like. One of these activities can be going to the park, playing, baking a cake together, telling them a story… it will be a very rewarding moment for the child that both their father and their mother share these moments with them. - **Comparisons between siblings should be avoided**. They are two different people, each with their own virtues and flaws. It will help them to know that we love them just as they are. - We must **highlight to the older one the advantages of being older**, and to the younger one the advantages of having an older sibling. - It is important to **convey to the older sibling how happy we are when they** **help us and behave responsibly**. - When our older child is jealous, it is important that we **ignore their inappropriate behavior**. At first they will try to insist more, but little by little they will understand that we will not pay attention to inappropriate behaviors. It is important to give them clues about how we would like them to behave, so that little by little they internalize them and use them in their daily life. Here we leave you a **video from the online Parents' School** about jealousy that may interest you